Other peoples views

My niece keeps a blog.  She writes on all sorts of different topics. Her topic this week is the consequences of drink driving from different viewpoints.  

Drink driving affects so many people in so many ways.  Some are lucky to escape with no injuries, just points on their licence and a ban.  Some pay the ultimate price of their life.  Some kill or injure others. Some, like Helen, end up still here in body but not in mind and being left with brain damage.  

I don't know which is the worst outcome.  In many ways death would have been easier to deal with.  Grieving after death is for the person who has gone but Helen is still here and the grieving goes on every day, every time we see her.  With her still present in body we can feel her, touch her, cuddle her but cannot have a conversation with her.  If she was dead that wouldn't be possible.  Death is finite.  It is the end.  But in some ways it would be easier to deal with. 

My talented niece has written a blog piece.  It has been shared I don't know how many times.  The aim is to get it out as far and wide as possible.  If just one person heeds the message then it has been worth the effort.  You can find it here, please read and feel free to share it on.

Becca's Blog

September 27 2013

What a difference a year makes.  A year ago I got one of those phones calls that every parent dreads.  "Hello, it's Thames Valley Police.  A person we believe is your daughter has been involved in a serious accident.  She is on her way to John Radcliffe Hospital."  Nothing can prepare you for not knowing whether your child will be dead or alive when you get there. It was a life changing conversation for so many people - for my daughter, for her family, for her friends and even for people we don't know. In some ways it has brought people closer, in some ways thrown them apart. 

Lives have changed immeasurably. She is here in body, sometimes with a little spark of life. For someone who would never shut up, not hearing her voice for over a year is hard. I gave her the challenge once of talking for one minute about a pencil - she did it!! 

There is not a day when I don't think about what happened. Not a day when I don't grieve for what has been lost. Not a day when I don't look at what should have been. I think of the other girl involved as well. All I can do now is look to the future and take each step as it comes. 

We love the girl that was; miss the girl that was and look to the future with the girl that is. I love you. Be good, be careful and no wild parties xxx

September 23 2013

Helen just going up for physio when I arrived.  Physio said she was doing well.  Her splints were on when she came back.  They are on every day to stretch out the muscles in her arms and legs.

She is very alert today. Tracking loads.  Another couple said that she tracked every time they walk past her door.  They are in every day and keep an eye on her. 

Took her upstairs and saw another resident and her mum.  We spent some time in her room, just talking.  Helen was looking at the poster on the ceiling.  I will look for one for Helen.  It is a dolphin and fishes type colourful poster.  Update: I've found one on eBay and bought it to go on the ceiling.

Shaved Helen's legs.  Checked with one of the nurses as to whether it would be "ethical" to wax her legs.  She said it should be ok because Helen would usually shave everyday and has waxed in the past.  That will make things easier!!

September 14 2013

Helen had been got up out of bed when I got there. She looked at me when I came in. She was wearing trousers that aren't hers!  She is coughing quite a bit. 

I gave her a bit of an overhaul!!  I cleaned behind ears. The right ear seems to have quite a bit of discharge/ear wax that came off with the cloth.  I asked the nurse to check it and ask the doctor to look.  Her hair needs a cut!  It was tied up on the top and generally looks a mess.  Her feet are cold still and her arms had goose bumps so I covered her with a blanket.  I repainted her toenails and cut her fingernails. Her hands are quite relaxed but her left foot is turning in more.

I left a letter left for Dr M to action with John Radcliffe about her cranioplasty and a copy for the file. 

September 4 2013

Helen in her wheelchair when I got there about 1630. She turned to me when I said her name. Took her outside to the terrace. Seems alert today. No coughing. No sweating. Her skin is looking much clearer. Tracking me occasionally. I picked a couple of sweet peas and put them in her hand to let her feel different textures.  She withdrew and grimaced when I put ice on her cheek!!  

Went back down at about 1745 for meds.  She appeared to be uncomfortable and was fidgeting her legs as if she was in discomfort from sitting too long.  Went back to bed after meds. I spoke to the nurse to ask other nurses not to inject in her arms in the same place all the time as she is developing lumps.  This is probably from the Clexane. 

Watched telly for a bit then I put on the projector.  I left her with the red magical one.  I told nurse that it could stay on for a maximum of 6 hours before it had to be turned off.  We need a shelf to put it on.